when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
