I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
