yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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