i barfeds in our rink
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
