Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk is a universal language darling
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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