After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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