Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
