I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
