If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
