went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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