I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.