wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?