he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
