Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
