My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
