Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
