I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
