Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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