ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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