He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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