I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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