Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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