You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
