So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
