tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
