Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
