dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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