He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
