Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
