The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
