I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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