I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
