yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
