I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
