its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that's an acceptable place to lick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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