i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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