dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
