i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
