Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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