So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
