Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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