But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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