I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
