she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
