I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
