My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
