Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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