He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
