Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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