why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
