Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
