I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
