i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
