3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
