i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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