true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
either way he was missing a nipple.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
