what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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