you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
