They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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