I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
