y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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