i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize