I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
