i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
