In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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