omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
