I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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