i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
