Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
