the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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