did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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